17 cents

Humans are made for touch. By our very nature, we are companion-seeking and, in turn, touch seeking. An article in the Boston Globe described how a simple touch can lessen depression, help overcome trauma, and raise levels of oxytocin- the "bonding hormone." In times of struggle, an embrace is the first thing humans long for. When I am hurting, all I want is to be held. Words of comfort are great, but nothing can ever beat an embrace, a touch. The problem is, touch is physical. Touch is human. How, then, can we rest in the "embrace" of God who is not human? We constantly are told to take sanctuary in his arms, but when life hits hard, it is difficult to feel comfort in simply knowing he is there when we can't feel him there physically. Recently, my family has taken a few punches from life. We have all been rocked with a divorce that has brought so much pain to a loved one in our family. We have all longed for our loved one to be able to take sanctuary in God very literally, but we all know that she can only take sanctuary in the knowing. I have been so frustrated by this because I know God is capable of fighting for her, so why doesn't he? Why doesn't he swoop down, embrace her, protect her, say "You will be ok"? As these thoughts flittered around my mind, my dad came to me with news. Our loved one was left with 17 cents in her bank account. She had been completely depleted of everything. I felt the kind of anger that makes your cheeks tingle and your fists ball up. All I want/wanted was to embrace her because, in my mind, God wasn't. My dad continued. My loved one was not shaken, she was not filled with anger like me, instead, she was prompted to search for any biblical meaning in the pain. Take a minute and search "biblical significance of 17." The first tab says one thing: “In the Bible, the number 17 symbolizes ‘overcoming the enemy’ and ‘complete victory.’” That was His embrace. That was the whisper after the fire. I think we get confused on what God's purpose is. He is not like a human. His trilogy allows him to know our desperate need for touch and comfort as humans, but his supernatural nature, while capable, is not likely to comfort in the conventional, human way we often expect from him. When we are seeking him, he will show himself to us. He will offer an embrace that is so much more than a hug or a pat on the shoulder. It is one that intentionally seeks us out and is individually tailored to our needs, whether we know it or not. God is not here to smite our enemies (even though he can) like I wanted, "After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper." (1 Kings 19:12) He is the gentle whisper, the loving embrace that surpasses our conventions. When the earthquake comes, and all we want is an embrace, we can take comfort in the knowing because God will reveal his unique embrace, all we have to do is seek. I can’t place God in a box where He can only behave how I want or expect him to. The Lord will never do things the way we think, he will do things so so much better.