dominoes

I think when most people think about Christianity, they think of cherubs, crosses, and sunbeams. No one ever really mentions the parts that are not as pleasant- the surrender, the obedience, and the fear that can come from that obedience. For me, the most difficult aspect of surrender to God is accepting that sometimes obedience to him will mean changing your plans. If you know me, I am a huge planner. I keep two print planners, a paper calendar, and an iPhone calendar. I love to know exactly what I will be doing that day, that month, that year. When things interfere with my plan, my first response is always fear. It materializes in different ways. Sometimes it is with anger, sometimes it is with relief, but, most times, it is with a deep fear of one interference will then interfere with every plan. And, honestly, it does. Plans are put together carefully and have a domino effect when they are messed with. The life of a Christian is full of domino effects. Let’s stick to the analogy of dominoes, though. I love to watch dominos fall. What I especially love is watching them fall and, as they fall, form beautiful pictures on the ground. If I were to look at one domino falling onto of another, I would naturally want to pick it up and put it back into place. However, when I am seeing the pictures the dominos are creating, not a bone in me wants to move to fix it. So why do we do this with our lives? We are not focusing on the beautiful picture God sees. We can’t, we are human. When I am watching the dominos fall to create an image, I am trusting that the artist who placed each domino knew exactly what he was doing and where the dominos needed to fall. I don’t trust God this way. When a domino falls, I panic and desperately try to pick it up with anger and fear. Though I can’t step back and see the picture, I have to lean into the knowing that God placed each and every moment of my life intentionally and benevolently. The fear of not knowing is no different than biting the apple in Eden. It is wanting to know what God knows, to see what God sees; it is wanting to be my own God. That is not how I am made. As beautiful of a life my mind could form, the Lord’s is so far beyond even that. That is the sacrifice and the blessing of placing your life into the hands of Christ- you are no longer placing the dominos. We have to fight the longing to bite the apple, to fix the dominos, knowing the artistry Christ has created for us.