I am weak.

“God doesn’t waste our hurts." I have never heard a more comforting thought than this, and I have never found anything to be truer in life. As this year comes to a close, I am taking a step back to look at the growth that has occurred or not occurred. As I walk through the changes, I see the Lord more evident than ever before. Each step, he is there. He is connecting the dots, coloring the space, creating a masterpiece. But is there ever a masterpiece? Not in the way we think. It is not Van Gogh or Picasso. It is the messy painted dish a child makes for their parent. Not perfect but given with love and yearning for a smile. God is the same way with the hurts he allows in our lives. The question of why bad things happen is irrelevant when we consider the bigger picture. We have to hurt, we have to experience suffering so that we can understand our deep, deep need for God. More than that, we can appreciate the beautiful work he has done in our lives when we are on the other side of pain. In the book I am going through (Life’s Healing Choices by John Baker- HIGHLY RECOMMEND) Baker constantly reminds us that God does not waste the hurts he allows, but we can. We have all heard the verse,

“At first I didn’t think of it as a gift and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.” Once I heard that I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.”

- 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Baker talks about how it is our job to show that weakness, admit that weakness, and share that weakness with others. No Christian will ever reach a person for Christ by telling them all the good things they do. They reach a non-believer by telling them the weaknesses and how God has held their hand through them all. That is what makes a person realize that God doesn’t expect us to be strong, he expects us to rest in him being strong. We all have hurts that have made us feel like we would never recover. We all have had hurts that made us feel isolated. We all have hurts that made us think God left us to our own “strength.” If you haven’t, you will. When we are walking through those hurts, we have to remember that they are a part of the masterpiece. The messy, imperfect masterpiece. The masterpiece given in love and sacrifice. After we have reached the other side, we have to be willing to tell others, admit our imperfect, and lean into the scariness of authenticity.

The growth that I have seen this past year has been the result of an eating disorder, insecurity, perfectionism, control problems, and relationship hurts that I have experienced and exerted. Those are a few of the many weaknesses I have, and a demonstration of the many gifts God has given to show his unfailing strength and love.