emmaus
I’ll run to the father again, and again, and again, and again.
Healing is one of the most difficult roads I have ever walked. I talk a lot about healing in my blog posts, and, to be honest, I wish I believed what I wrote more than I do. You see, something happened last December. I won’t share what happened- if you want to know, I would love to grab coffee sometime. Some things are just better shared in person. What happened deeply affected me. I struggle because all I want is for it not to have affected me; for a while, it didn't. Then all of the sudden, Satan recognized that life was going too good, my love for the Lord was getting too strong, and my confidence that everything would be ok was making me and my story a threat to him. In popped the thoughts that badger me every day: you are broken, you will never be ok, you will always be powerless, you can’t trust people, and God doesn’t care about you. I find myself hearing the latter whispered over and over, day to day because it is the one most crucial in healing: God cares about you, God hurts with you, and God wants to heal you. But what does that take? Running to the father. Leaving everything else behind, breaking through the fear, pushing past the hurt, and screaming truth at the lie that, not only can I not trust people, I can’t trust God. That seems impossible when your feet feel like concrete, but we have to decide who and what we will listen to. Will we listen to the screeches of fear? the pounding of doubt? the ticking of time going by too slowly? No. I refuse. I refuse to listen to those things and instead hear:
“Get out of bed, Jerusalem!
Wake up. Put your face in the sunlight.
God’s bright glory has risen for you.
The whole earth is wrapped in darkness,
all people sunk in deep darkness,
But God rises on you,
his sunrise glory breaks over you.”
isaiah 60:1-7
God is rising on me every day. In a book I am reading, Mended by Angie Smith (A MUST READ), Smith talked about a place called Emmaus. This word means “healing place” in the Hebrew. This was the city the disciples walked to after the death of Christ, when they were hurt and hopeless. As they walked, a man caught up with them and began to walk with them. He talked with them, told them truths about the scriptures, gave them encouragement and strength until they arrived. It was only then that the disciples realized that the man who had been with them the whole time was Jesus (Luke 24:13-25). The entire way, the Son of Man walked beside them, and they didn’t even know it. It was not until they were there that they saw the steps Christ had taken beside them. As beautiful as this picture is, my favorite part is this:
"But they urged him strongly, “Stay with us, for it is nearly evening; the day is almost over.” So he went in to stay with them.”
luke 24:29
That was all it took for Jesus- asking. We have to keep asking him to stay, to comfort, to heal. When I am feeling the cold, hard weight of hurt, the Lord is shining on me with the warm, safe comfort of healing love. A love that walks with me towards Emmaus, no matter the speed. Healing will come, strength will develop, but, until then,
I will run to the Father again and again and again and again.