the chocolate bunny

Sometimes, I catch myself wishing that I could just go back. I wish I could go back to last Spring-things were easier then. I yearn for the joy I had then. I yearn for the ease of each day. I yearn for the hope I had. I yearn for the confidence I held. I yearn for the blessing that I viewed each day as. Life was better… right? On every external surface, it appears so.

One of my favorite parts of the holidays is the candy that comes in my stocking Christmas morning. I used to love the chocolate Santas I got every year. They reminded me of the chocolate bunnies I got for Easter. But, every time I bit into a chocolate bunny, I was surprised by the ease of it. It was hollow inside. The chocolate was simply a shell. It cracked with the slightest pressure and melted immediately in my mouth. These Santas gave me a different surprise. I bit to find a tough solid. They were hard to get a bite out of. I had to work at it.

It was harder.

Here is the difference: the solid was so much more satisfying. To take a bite of full, rich chocolate that melted slowly in my mouth far exceeded the quick melt of the hollow bunny. I could sit with the chocolate and let it fill my senses, enjoy it, finding joy in the after.

It is harder right now. I bit into a tough, difficult solid. I know that the end will be all the better, all the more satisfying, all the more fulfilling. When I think about the time where “life was easier,” I have to remind myself that it was simply a shell that appeared solid. I was focused on the outward, avoiding the inward. Real progress happens when we take a look at the inward, the hard stuff. This progress is slower. It is harder to eat a solid chocolate Santa than a hollow bunny- it takes longer. That is ok.

I am learning that I have to give myself grace for exactly where I am. I am learning that I have to rely heavily on the Lord to pick my feet up each day. I am learning to work at the solid. When I find myself yearning for the past, I have to remind myself of the good in the present; there are small wins and small blessings everywhere. If we focus on what was, we miss what is.

As I type that, my mind beats at me, saying, “But what is is what is bad, what was is what is good.” That is when I remind myself of the bunny. The external is the stuff that appears good, but the internal is the stuff that leaves you changed, bettered, strengthened. That is, ultimately, what is good. I know that is what the Lord has in store for me, and I know that will take time.

So, I give myself grace amongst the solid, the hard, the yearning. I focus on the little blessings, the taps of the Lord that give me “hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)