sick day

There is absolutely nothing I hate more than being sick. I woke up this morning with the familiar chills, aches, and grogginess that come with a body not at its best. All day I have gone back and forth from sleeping to schoolwork to sleeping some more to Netflix to sleeping yet again… you get the picture. While I don’t always hate the excuse to rest, it is always tainted by the fact that I am not getting to do what I want to do because my body won’t let me. Today I had a laundry list of things I had planned on getting done, places to go, tests to study for, and the list goes on.

Life is that way. We make plans, we set goals, and we do all we can to control our own lives. The reality is, we are not in control. I write frequently on this because my Type-A self struggles with this idea greatly when it comes to my faith.

I am re-reading a book for the third time called, Life’s Healing Choices (cannot recommend enough), and it re-framed the idea of not being in control in a way that was so humbling to me. It is not so much a recognition of not being in control as it is a recognition that we are spiritually poor. We are wholly and completely dependent on God, even when we forget that we are. When life is good and we are healthy, when we are making our own decisions and hitting our goals, we are still spiritually poor.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.”

Matthew 5:3

The beatitudes are familiar to anyone who has grown up in the church like I did, but they find a new life and meaning every time I read them. I love the way the Message version puts it:

“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.”

Matthew 5:3 MSG

That is the beauty in being spiritually poor- when you are at the lowest point, when you feel utterly helpless and alone, that is when God can move the most. As I sit here, feeling very puny, I can’t help but be reminded of the many times I have felt this way spiritually. The times when my white knuckled attempts to change, fix, heal, **fill in the blank** the things in my life have failed and left me feeling small, the Lord has shown up in such big ways. This sick day, a moment of visible and physical weakness, serves as a reminder of my dependance on the Lord in all things. We forget in our day-to-day that none of what we do is truly of our own volition- it is God’s steady hand which guides us and, when needed, corrects us. He is the one who is in control at all times, on the healthy and sick days.

“For this brief pause, for this reminder of my own weakness and my dependance upon you, I thank you, O Lord. Let this serve as a reminder that the redemption of all things is not yet complete . . . A day such as this is a reminder that good health and vigor are gifts to be consciously and gratefully enjoyed, and to be invested while they might, in eternal things.” – Every Moment Holy